HAHAHAH! I lost my shit reading this

"KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time" (kngt)
01/11/2019 at 11:36 • Filed to: Funny, satire, parody, subaru, Hahahahahahahahahahaha, hahaha

New Subaru Ad Features Hysterically Happy White Couple Driving Forester Through Eleven Feet Of Snow With Eighteen Golden Retrievers

SHIBUYA—We were invited by Subaru to come and see a screening of their new TV ad for North America. Subaru flew us out to Tokyo to share it with us.The ad starts on a quiet Maine road, when all of a sudden the snow is parted like an invisible plow is running through it at incredible speed.

The camera cuts to inside of a car. A young white couple seems to have their eyelids superglued open, and they’re smiling like their lips are desperately afraid of their teeth.

What seems like more than a dozen golden retrievers are barking extremely loudly and ripping apart the cars interior.

“WOW HONEY” The man says.

“AREN’T YOU GLAD WE HAVE THIS NEW SUBARU FORESTER WITH SYMMETRICAL ALL WHEEL DRIVE.”

The car slams through a deer but does not slow down. Both occupants look at the windshield, and then back at each other.

“YES.”

“HONEY, WOULD YOU CARE FOR A FREE RANGE EGG?” the woman asks.

The woman produces and opens a package of a dozen eggs.

“I DON’T KNOW HONEY, ARE WE SOON TO BE MARRIED MIDDLE INCOME WHITE PEOPLE AGED 24-36?”

The woman stares at him for several seconds, as if a receipt is printing in her mind as she is processing the information.

“YES.”

She cracks the egg into his mouth, and then eats the shell.

“IF THAT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE NATURE.”

The car approaches a vehicle stuck on the side of the road.

“WOW HONEY.” The man says.

“LOOK AT THAT BMW DRIVER STRUGGLING TO UNSTICK HIS CAR.”

They stop and pull up next to him. The man in the car appears frozen solid, as if he has been dead for many days.

“SIR?”

The couple stares at the body for several seconds with the dogs still barking extremely loudly in the back of the car.

“WOW HONEY.” The man says, still staring at the body.

“CHECK OUT THAT COLD, LIFELESS LOOK IN HIS EYES. LIKE HIS BODY IS JUST AN EMPTY VESSEL FOR THE LIFE HE ONCE LIVED. NO MORE THAN A FROZEN HUSK IS ALL THAT REMAINS OF HIS HOPES, DREAMS, AND ASPIRATIONS. IMAGINE HIS FINAL THOUGHTS OF WEAKNESS, HELPLESSNESS, AND DESPAIR.”

The couple stared at the body for several more seconds.

“MUST’VE TAKEN THE ROAD MORE TRAVELED.” The woman said.

The car then took off, leaving the stranded vehicle behind.

“HONEY?” The woman asks.

“AREN’T YOU JUST HIGH ON LIFE RIGHT NOW?”

The man wrenched his head around to look at his girlfriend without moving the rest of his body. A nosebleed is beginning to drip down his face.

“YES.”

“ALSO PEYOTE HAHA AND PEYOTE.”

The couple again stares at each other for several seconds, and then back at the windshield simultaneously.

The camera zooms in tight on the man’s face as he stares at the road. His right eye gives a single twitch, and the camera slowly pans out back to the view the commercial started with.

“Love, it’s what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.”

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Genius!

DISCUSSION (11)

CalzoneGolem > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
01/11/2019 at 11:53

This makes me want to buy another Forester.

412GTI > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
01/11/2019 at 12:01

“I DON’T KNOW HONEY, ARE WE SOON TO BE MARRIED MIDDLE INCOME WHITE PEOPLE AGED 24-36?”

It’s what makes a Subaru a Subaru. This part made me laugh out loud.

fintail > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
01/11/2019 at 12:02

Surprised it wasn’t filmed in OR or WA (man/ husband would need to have a plaid flannel shirt and facial hair of questionable merit).

Yowen - not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time
01/11/2019 at 12:03

Wow, that’s hilarious. I love how it starts out being semi- plausible, yet something seems a little off. But you’re like “eh, could still be true, let me keep reading” and then your read:

“HONEY, WOULD YOU CARE FOR A FREE RANGE EGG?”

Oh... Satire.. This is satire.